Love is a Tricky Thing

Love is not easy... We can love someone with all of our hearts and they can be feeling like the complete opposite is true.  We might hear something like, "You don't even love me!" I know this one well. I am a mom who has dedicated my life to loving and raising my children, even educating them myself for twelve years. Yet, there was a long period of time that they did not feel loved by me. When I learned that my love was getting lost in translation... I GOT SOME HELP AND MADE SOME CHANGES! Somehow, all of the energy I spent caring for and worrying about them did not make them feel loved. In fact, because I was afraid for them and angry at others in my life most of the time, they hardly felt like I even liked them. Well, I am still working on it today. I am not where I need to be, but THANK GOD I'm not where I used to be. Now, it is more important to me that my kids feel loved and accepted, no matter what, than if I have the perfect parenting skills. And with the understanding that LOVE does not equal ENABLING, I have come to love my kids better than I used to. And that is all its really about.... getting better and better at this LOVE thing. :-)   Watch this video and love better, too.

Here are a few 'languages' parents speak that kids DO NOT:

• Kids do not translate our fear for how they are going to turn out as love.
• Kids do not translate our anger with them as concern.
• Kids do not translate a 60 hour work week as love.
• Kids do not translate cooking, cleaning, laundry, bill-paying, rides to school, money for the movies, etc. etc. as love or sacrifice. (Don't you wish they did?!)

If you have a feeling your love might be getting lost in translation, consider a few ideas:

• Make eye contact with them when you talk. Get down on their level. Be affectionate.
• Greet them with a special greeting every time you say Hello, Goodbye, Good Morning and Good Night. Be affectionate.
• Join them in an activity that THEY love. 
• Do something thoughtful for them, like a chore, or a favor, without being asked.
• Kids spell love: T-I-M-E. Spend some on them. Just the two of you. 
• Learn some new techniques to use empathy instead of anger when giving consequences so that their bad decision can be the bad guy and you can be the good guy.
• Take a Love and Logic® Class and sharpen your skills and then tell them you are working hard to be a better parent. (Be real with them. They need to know that we don't think we're perfect.)
• Tell them what you see in their heart...not what they have achieved that makes you proud. "You are so generous, You are so kind, You work so hard!" Etc.
•  Above all, Model LOVE and RESPECT. Kids do what we do, NOT what we SAY. Do you want your kids to be loving and respectful? Then treat them that way. Before you know it, everyone in your home will be feeling more loved!

I bet you have some great ideas, too. Try one. See if you can start speaking the same language more often. 

PS. This applies to spouses, too. :-)